Smashing patriarchy daily.

As women we are supposed to be ashamed of our sexuality. We’ve been taught to be discriminating in our sexual choices, as if our gender’s sex were something to be placed on a pedestal, something sacred, a rare gift. Conversely, men are supposed to be “programmed” to want sex constantly, and therefore their sexual promiscuity is honored. These cultural expectations are clearly unfair and I want nothing to do with them. I’m slowly shedding these antiquated ideas. It’s become a point of pride for me to have amazing one-night-stands without regret. I consider them small accomplishments–notches under my belt, if you will.

I’ve got a handful of crushes at the moment, both male and female, and it feels wonderful. More sex, fewer relationships–that’s been my mindset lately. I’ve been in serious relationships continuously since the young age of 14. It’s time for me to experiment and have some fun, without any sort of commitment. I even have a “To Fuck” list stored in my Blackberry at the moment

This is not to say that I don’t protect myself. I’ve always been a condom Nazi, ever since my dad showed me the “condom drawer” in his dresser, which we shared for most of my teenage years. Speaking of which, I found out that my grandma’s recent surgery to remove her cervical cancer wasn’t entirely effective. This means the cancer may be spreading, which absolutely breaks my heart. I love my grandmother so much and I’ve never had to deal with something so emotionally heavy. She contracted HPV several years ago which eventually developed into cancer. I’m still on the fence about the Gardisil vaccine because I’ve heard horror stories about women getting violently ill from it. But wow, HPV is so common these days… and it can be fatal. I’m going to Houston next weekend to visit her and make sure she’s doing well. I want her to be happy and healthy more than anything right now.

A less depressing topic: District 9. OMGZ. Best movie of the year, hands down. I was so impressed with the social commentary, the visuals (I believe it was shot on the RED), and the acting! What a heavy film, with serious genocidal implications. It reminded me of the Holocaust at times. The film essentially described the many ways in which human beings oppress and dehumanize each other. Moon comes in as a close second for this summer. Plus I want to bang Sam Rockwell.

I also started watching Mad Men and I can’t quite decide how I feel about it yet. I understand that the blatant racism, sexism, and homophobia is supposed to be a critique of the era, but I’m still not sure that that comes across in a responsible way. I also dislike the female characters and I’m hoping that one of them shows a tougher more dynamic side, and soon!

Well, I need to crash hard. Another 14 hour day on set tomorrow. This hell is almost over!

I’ve been thinking about how interesting it is the way I can easily move between my role on film sets versus my role in my daily life. On set I dress down, I don’t wear makeup, I lift heavy shit, I put together equipment, and I’m just “one of the guys” if you will. Outside of that world I’m (believe it or not) extremely feminine. For example: I fucking love dresses. I would wear a beautiful dress every day if it were up to me. I dance on a pole. I flaunt my female sexuality. But on set I am a dirty, sweaty, tough little lady. It’s strange the way a person can easily move between seemingly opposing gender roles. It makes you think.

I might be going to San Miguel, Mexico next week. Jonathan invited me to come along but I can’t make up my mind! It seems dangerous but exciting. Eep!

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, changes, major life events, and overall shock. I’ve been having a lot of self-realizations: everything that I’ve been suppressing for the past several years is now spilling out of me.

I can’t depend on other people to fuel my ego and make me “happy”. I can’t keep up this dominance act. I truly want equality in my relationships from this point forward. Underneath the tough front that I put up, I’m actually a lot weaker than I thought. It’s all rooted in fear.

First things first: I closed on my house! I now legally own property in the state of Texas. The place is adorable. 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and 2 living areas. Huge backyard. Right in the middle of Hyde Park. I’ve got a couple guys moving in this week and I really hope they’re cool…ish. I’m worried they might be college bro’s! Either way, I’ll be earning $2,100 a month on the place. That income will allow me to work for free on film sets for a while, until I can land a gig that pays.

Beyond that, a few of us finally moved back into House of Commons. It’s so nice to have a place to call home again and I’m super stoked on my room! We had all been homeless for so long and it’s so beautiful to have our community back together again. I’m going to install my new X Pole this afternoon. Pictures soon.

The Sunken Garden shoot is going really well. I got to be Assistant Camera the other day which was really informative. I got to see/touch/learn more about the RED Camera. She’s gorgeous.

Anyway, here are some photos from the other night at the Cathedral of Junk. That night we referred to it as the Cathedral of Drunk.

FYI, the name of the film has been changed to Sunken Garden. I’m now the 2nd Assistant Director. FUCK YES. We’ll be shooting for the next month or so if anyone’s interested in helping out.

I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO SEE MOON THIS WEEKEND! SCI-FI RULES!

I feel like things are coming together somewhat for me. The film industry is such an awkward thing to jump into, and requires a lot of working for free, but I feel like I’m finding my footing. On top of that, the Austin scene is so small! It’s cool that it’s such a tight-knit community but it seems like I know everyone on set every time I start a new production.

The Barton Springs shoot (now being called Sunken Garden) is off to a great start. We shot at Daily Juice on Friday and J.Kelly’s BBQ today. The crew seems to be very calm and under control and there is little pretension. In addition to my (ir)regular PA duties, I also took on the responsibility of location scouting. However, I decided to discuss the possibility of stepping up in rank with the 1st AD. We recently lost our 2nd AD and I was hoping that I might be able to take her position since I’m willing to dedicate the time and commitment required. He said he would consider it and he wants me to begin helping him in the production office. I’m really excited about dedicating the rest of my summer toward this project and I have a feeling it will pay off in the long run.

So, I moved out of the H.M.S. Hazard and into Taylor’s apartment until House of Commons is ready in late August. It kind of scares me because it’s a big step but it’s also temporary which relieves some of my anxieties about it. I will never live with a boyfriend again–I experienced it when I was 17 and I’m totally done with any permanent sort of situation.

Well, I’m going to watch some cartoons and go to sleep. Shooting again in the morning!

Well, I’ll be working as a P.A. on Jennifer Delia’s short film called Billy Bates for the next 5 days. 12 hours a day. With 3 overnights. Jesus fuck.

I also got hired as a P.A. on the upcoming feature film Barton Springs directed by John Fiege. It will be a 10 week shoot, so I’ll be busting ass for the rest of the summer.

So much for vacations.

I’m also looking around at houses to buy and I put in several offers last week. I can’t wait to be able to say that I OWN something.

P.S. I love mah boyfran.

Hey dudes! It’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything on this site–I apologize. I’ve been absolutely swamped for the past month or so. Needless to say, I finally graduated college, with all A’s I had planned on having a boat party in celebration but it got rained out so it was moved to the H.M.S. Hazard (our “boat” house). I wasn’t in the greatest of spirits that night, and I found out later that it was because I had tonsillitis. At the moment I’m on steroids and hydrocodone (weeeee!)… so, sorry if this post is sort of jumbled.

So what am I doing with myself now that I’m post-college? Well, I recently had an interview over at Spiderwood Studios, but unfortunately it’s a big commute and it’s unpaid. However, I feel like if I got in good with them they might take me under their wing and throw me into some of their productions. Other than that, I’m keeping my eyes open for P.A. gigs and basically ANYTHING I CAN GET. The economy is terrible right now, and film production is extremely slow, but I’m hopeful. I may have to work for free until I can build up some contacts. If I can’t find anything in a year, I may consider moving to L.A. In the meantime I’m still slingin’ drinks over at the bar and living off of my settlement.

This summer I’m going to start looking at houses to buy and planning a few trips as well. I’m really set on going to Europe for a week, and possibly visiting Jessie and Adam on the East coast. We’ll see. Here’s a few pictures from the party, taken by the amazing Thao. You can view the rest on my Facebook!

So, I’m off to San Francisco today to shoot a documentary of Aryawn’s mini-tour. We’re staying in a hostel and I hope I don’t get tortured like in the shitty movie. If we have any free time I’m definitely stopping by Kink.com studios and begging them for an internship.

Anyway, KVRXplosion was so killer! Here’s some pictures from Annie Ray’s photobooth:

I recently added a few recorded shows from Lip Service under the Radio section. The ladies and I now have a blog as well, which you can check out at lipservice917.blogspot.com for updates and more recordings. This week we will be reading some of our feminist writing as well as pieces that have inspired us, so make sure to tune in!

My films will be uploaded soon, I promise! They are such massive files (several gigs) and take hours to upload, so I may need to compress them (grudgingly, of course). Speaking of which, the screening of Growth will be this Thursday, December 11th at 8 pm. Everyone is welcome to attend and there will be 9 other short films. Get in touch with me if you want directions.

Wade is moving into House of Commons tomorrow! Stoked!!!

Well, Thanksgiving was a ton of fun and a much needed break. I started the day off with lunch at my best friend’s mother’s house. It’s somewhat of an annual hippie fest–plenty of vegetarian food, a prayer circle, folk songs, and doobies. Later in the evening Evan and I headed down to H-town to hang out with my family. We played a lot of chess, sampled some Tofurkey, and went to the movies to see Twilight. I haven’t read the series yet but I enjoyed the film nevertheless. If you can bear with the high school melodrama and the occasional campy moment, it’s actually a pretty great movie. Very erotic too!

This week is the last of the semester for me and it’s going to be absolute hell. I have a film due tomorrow that’s still lacking some sound and music, another due Wednesday that needs some serious cleaning up, and a final on Friday. I guess it’s going to be another week of all-nighters! Christmas break will be amazing though. I’ll be looking for a production internship, collaborating on a feature-length with some friends, getting the burlesque troupe geared up for our first show in January, and possibly making a road trip to Mexico. Bring it on.

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