Smashing patriarchy daily.

The HMS Hazard is having a show this Saturday at 10 pm. The bands include {{{SUNSET}}}, Wild Moccasins, The League of Fucking Decency, and Drizztian Swamper! There will be a keg as well.

In other news, I’m planning an amazing graduation party on Lake Travis. It will be something like P.Diddy’s White Party, except a million times more extravagant. If you’re interested, shoot me your address and I’ll mail you an invitation!

I am so sick of being in this rut. Last semester I was on an absolute high, wrapped up in the work that I was doing. I was motivated about the projects I was working on, I was in love, I was free… these days I simply cannot push myself to work on creative things. It’s living in a party house that’s getting to me. After House of Commons caught on fire everything changed. It threw my perspective off. I can’t get it back together. I’m working on three film projects simultaneously!

Men. Jesus Christ. At the age of 14 I taught myself how to build websites. It was all downhill from there. I took that skill and turned it into a profitable business. Only the product for sale was my naked teenage body. For my midterm I confessed my entire fucked up sexually rebellious adolescence to my History of U.S. Feminism professor and she gave me an A. Can you believe that? When I subjected myself to the sex industry I saw a whole other side of the male species, a dark side that most women are able to block out. I will never see them the same way again. I want to be ignorant again, instead of being so hypersensitive to every sexist fucking comment and action that I witness on a daily basis.

The sex I have is pornographic. I can’t get these images out of my mind. Know what makes it worse? Men are raised on these images. They come to understand sex through this absolutely pervasive outlet that tells them what to desire. Women being slapped, choked, gagged, having their heads forced into toilets and flushed, being fucked then left on the streets. I know this all too well. Most women don’t.

This is not what women want. Pornography represents an exclusively male fantasy. Women don’t orgasm. Women are tools. Women serve men’s fantasies, but they aren’t fantasies at all. Porn tells men what they should want. I want sex that isn’t tainted by the media’s fucked up, skewed, patriarchy-fueled idea of the dynamics between men and women. Sex that is free of power. Does that even exist?