You’re so good. I don’t want to touch you–I’ll turn you into a terrible person. My negative energy, my self-loathing, it will rub off on you… you’re too good of a person to be with me. Yet for some reason you’re laying here in my bed.

I open my legs and I’m vulnerable. This human being takes over my whole body, breaking, entering, and taking what’s mine… but I want to give it away. You can have it. I’m not completely alive unless I’m being fucked.

It seems artificial because there are no expectations and no obligations… but maybe that’s what makes it the most real human connection of all. Trembling hips, contracting muscles, force and submission, giving in, letting go, purging my self-hatred. There are absolutely no needs and nothing owed. Just pure physical and mental ecstasy, experienced only through this erratic, seemingly haphazard grinding movement, this unlikely fusion of bodies.

I want more, but I’ll settle for sex… because I don’t deserve anything else.