Smashing patriarchy daily.

Hey dudes! It’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything on this site–I apologize. I’ve been absolutely swamped for the past month or so. Needless to say, I finally graduated college, with all A’s I had planned on having a boat party in celebration but it got rained out so it was moved to the H.M.S. Hazard (our “boat” house). I wasn’t in the greatest of spirits that night, and I found out later that it was because I had tonsillitis. At the moment I’m on steroids and hydrocodone (weeeee!)… so, sorry if this post is sort of jumbled.

So what am I doing with myself now that I’m post-college? Well, I recently had an interview over at Spiderwood Studios, but unfortunately it’s a big commute and it’s unpaid. However, I feel like if I got in good with them they might take me under their wing and throw me into some of their productions. Other than that, I’m keeping my eyes open for P.A. gigs and basically ANYTHING I CAN GET. The economy is terrible right now, and film production is extremely slow, but I’m hopeful. I may have to work for free until I can build up some contacts. If I can’t find anything in a year, I may consider moving to L.A. In the meantime I’m still slingin’ drinks over at the bar and living off of my settlement.

This summer I’m going to start looking at houses to buy and planning a few trips as well. I’m really set on going to Europe for a week, and possibly visiting Jessie and Adam on the East coast. We’ll see. Here’s a few pictures from the party, taken by the amazing Thao. You can view the rest on my Facebook!

The HMS Hazard is having a show this Saturday at 10 pm. The bands include {{{SUNSET}}}, Wild Moccasins, The League of Fucking Decency, and Drizztian Swamper! There will be a keg as well.

In other news, I’m planning an amazing graduation party on Lake Travis. It will be something like P.Diddy’s White Party, except a million times more extravagant. If you’re interested, shoot me your address and I’ll mail you an invitation!

I am so sick of being in this rut. Last semester I was on an absolute high, wrapped up in the work that I was doing. I was motivated about the projects I was working on, I was in love, I was free… these days I simply cannot push myself to work on creative things. It’s living in a party house that’s getting to me. After House of Commons caught on fire everything changed. It threw my perspective off. I can’t get it back together. I’m working on three film projects simultaneously!

Men. Jesus Christ. At the age of 14 I taught myself how to build websites. It was all downhill from there. I took that skill and turned it into a profitable business. Only the product for sale was my naked teenage body. For my midterm I confessed my entire fucked up sexually rebellious adolescence to my History of U.S. Feminism professor and she gave me an A. Can you believe that? When I subjected myself to the sex industry I saw a whole other side of the male species, a dark side that most women are able to block out. I will never see them the same way again. I want to be ignorant again, instead of being so hypersensitive to every sexist fucking comment and action that I witness on a daily basis.

The sex I have is pornographic. I can’t get these images out of my mind. Know what makes it worse? Men are raised on these images. They come to understand sex through this absolutely pervasive outlet that tells them what to desire. Women being slapped, choked, gagged, having their heads forced into toilets and flushed, being fucked then left on the streets. I know this all too well. Most women don’t.

This is not what women want. Pornography represents an exclusively male fantasy. Women don’t orgasm. Women are tools. Women serve men’s fantasies, but they aren’t fantasies at all. Porn tells men what they should want. I want sex that isn’t tainted by the media’s fucked up, skewed, patriarchy-fueled idea of the dynamics between men and women. Sex that is free of power. Does that even exist?

So, I’m off to San Francisco today to shoot a documentary of Aryawn’s mini-tour. We’re staying in a hostel and I hope I don’t get tortured like in the shitty movie. If we have any free time I’m definitely stopping by Kink.com studios and begging them for an internship.

Anyway, KVRXplosion was so killer! Here’s some pictures from Annie Ray’s photobooth:

KVRX is hosting a badass free show tomorrow night called KVRXplosion! It will be at Ballet Austin from 11 pm to 3 am and will feature 12 bands including Japanther and Monotonix! Come out and support your favorite student-run radio station. Oh and did I mention free booze? You can RSVP at http://www.kvrx.org/springbreak.

I’d like to discuss the disturbing cultural phenomenon known as He’s Just Not That Into You, a best-selling book which has sadly been adapted into a movie (currently #2 at the box office). The book opens with condescending, gender-based assertions such as “Men find it very satisfying to get what they want… If we want you, we will find you.” The authors go on to essentially excuse the behavior of men in relationships, placing all of the blame on the confused and frustrated women who need to pay more attention to how men function.

Possibly the most frightening section is when the authors try to convince women that men should be the pursuers, because “men like the chase.” In other words, women should sit back and wait for men to find them. I find this idea extremely offensive, not to mention backwards. Personally, I find it very off-putting when men approach me. I’m not a timid gazelle ready to be preyed upon. As a confident, independent, and self-assured woman, I take much pleasure in the pursuit of men. The desire to pursue is certainly not an inherent, biologically male trait. Further, the book/movie makes the gross assumption that all women are looking for romance and marriage material. Really? Because I’m pretty sure I have a vagina and those things still make me want to vomit.

Overall, HJNTIY makes women seem like desperate, pathetic, idiots who would be much happier if they would just be more passive and let men do the work. Conversely, it presents men as being simple-minded, knowing exactly what they want, and never sending mixed messages. I know plenty of men who play games, and plenty of women who cut the bullshit and are upfront, myself being one of them. I mean, how many creeps have approached me at a bar or a club and not been able to take a fucking hint? I’m just not that into you, moron. Anyone who buys into this sensationalist fluff has obviously been brainwashed by traditional gender stereotypes.

On a much more positive note, I found this video on a small matriarchal culture to be very interesting: http://current.com/items/89611656/women_rule_our_tribe.htm

If you haven’t heard, House of Commons caught fire last Saturday. A glue gun had been left plugged in for too long and the 3rd floor went up like that. Luckily everyone got out safely, including all of the house pets. However, many of the housemates lost some or all of their belongings, not to mention our community has been forced to disperse for a while. The firefighters estimated that $225,000 in damages had occurred and that it will be several months before we can move back in. Currently I’m sleeping on my friend Joseph’s floor, but I’m hoping to get a place with some of the HOC-ers somewhere in West Campus. Such a sad event :’(

I’ve finally found someone who I can reverse gender roles with and it feels liberating. You see, the type of men I’ll actually date are few and far between. For one, I refuse to be involved with someone who doesn’t consider themselves a feminist. I can’t stand men who play the dominant, macho role that society has assigned them. I prefer more dynamism, more fluidity.

I thought our philosophies were too contradictory at first, but eventually I realized that they mesh together quite well. We finally determined that we’re fighting the same evil: oppression. While he sees the State as being the ultimate oppressive power structure, I see patriarchy in the same light. He’s influenced me to be more of an anarchist and I’ve in turn made him more of a feminist. We teach each other so much every day, and it makes for an interesting and healthy relationship.

Tonight at the house we had a really interesting group dance session. The music was broken down into 5 parts (Stillness, Staccato, Chaos, etc.) and it was essentially a metamorphose of expressive bodies, reacting to a variety of sounds. Once the initial awkwardness wore off, I felt free to move about however I desired. Afterward I felt so relaxed and at peace, like I’d shed a bit of my ego. It reminded me that I need to meditate more often.

I also forgot to mention in my last post that I got the internship at the Austin Film Society! Woot Woot!

The burlesque/house show was out of control. There must have been 300 people there at one point. B L A C K I E was by far the best performance of the night, and has since become my new hero/lover. He somehow manages to fuse hip-hop and metal and… it’s just fucking amazing. But back to the burlesque! Tassled titties were exposed, violent whipped cream cumshots were had. Need I say more?

Lately I’ve been sort of depressed, mostly due to the negative reactions I’ve been getting from people toward my feminist views. Lip Service is somewhat in limbo right now and may be canceled this semester. Apparently we broadcast the sentence: “How many penises can you put in a woman?”, which is by FCC standards considered to be sexually explicit, and therefore obscene. I do recall someone saying this, but only in an analytical context, speaking matter-of-factly about the violent trends of pornography. I’m going to do my best to get a second chance on this one. If we have to tame the sexual aspects of the show, that’s fine. I would just be so lost without the show. There’s no other platform for my radical views.

On a happier note, the first weekend of shooting went well. We were able to knock out the motel, office, and house scenes. This upcoming weekend we will hit the green belt, the “cave” (our basement), and a cafe. Then we will wrap up at The Mohawk and Bookwoman the following week. I can’t wait to see all of the footage! By the way, I wanted to let everyone know that we will need a ton of extras for The Mohawk shoot on Friday January 23rd, from noon to 5 pm. Please come out if you can make it! You’ll get to drink and be in a local independent film!

My PC finally called it quits on me, so I decided to buy myself an early graduation present. I had to, come on! Just look at it in all of its 24 inch glory. Plus I need something powerful enough to run Avid when I get out there in the “real world”. She’s a beaut. Absolutely gawgeous.

Anyway, our gender-bending burlesque performance is this Saturday and I’m getting so excited! You know me, I’ll take any excuse to strip down to nothing but tasseled pasties. We’re going to have tons of props such as whipped cream, cherries, condom balloons, dildos, butt plugs, strap-ons, and confetti. It’s going to be a fucking riot! Other than stressing over the show, my days have consisted of casting, script writing (it’s finally done!), and location scouting. The tentative title for the film is A Man Possessed but I’m not sure that I’m satisfied with it yet. Something will hit me once we start shooting, I’m sure.

What’s everyone doing for New Years Eve? I can’t decide if I want to go downtown, check out a party, or just stay at home sipping champagne and watching Firefly with my boy toy. My New Years resolution? STOP SMOKING 2009. Holy jesus, it’s about time.

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